Sunday, 3 August 2014

Friendships | Growing Apart

The demise of intimate relationships are often spoken, written, sung and conveyed in a whole manner of ways(and to great lengths too), but the demise of friendships… not so much. 

It’s weird because friendships are as powerful and as important a bond in our lives as finding any Prince Charming or… (Dammit. I can’t think of the female equivalent). Princess Delightful?(Ooh, that was bad. I'm never saying that again.)  So when it comes to the end of a friendship, it can be seriously confusing and painful.

The root of the word friend means 'to love', and in these relationships we do. We share things, whether it be big or small, irrelevant or nonsensical. We grow with them, heck, we regenerate with them, with distance, time and a lack of contact having, in many cases, no negative effects on the well-being of our friendships at all. 

But just as there is a Yin, there's a Yang, and whilst some bonds can withstand any and everything, others, unfortunately, can turn cold.

My year eleven photo., and the faces of old friends. 

Recently I noticed that a best friend of mine had turned cold. And with those incessant questions like What's the matter with so and so? and Did I do something? swimming around my head, I walked around for a bit (and by bit I mean a long time) feeling really down. In an attempt to discuss things, and after a lot of dancing around the subject matter, the core part of the issue came to the forefront, and what I learnt in the process is that the most important, yet completely, overwhelmingly scary and hard thing to do in a situation like this was the part that seemed easiest of all. Talking. 

Getting those words out, mind, when you've got them sat in front of you or on the other end of the line, can be daunting. If you're in that situation, you might want to start with something like, I've been feeling kind of distant from you lately.
I'm not going to lie, it can feel weird doing this, and unless you're in that situation, you may not understand how difficult it can be expressing these emotions to someone who you would usually talk to about any and everything. But the key here is to try and be as honest as possible. Your feelings deserve to be heard and respected. 

The Don'ts. Whichever way you do go about expressing your feelings, don't jump the gun and send an angry text. In fact try not to discuss the issue through texts at all. Texts, or any form of written message, can be easily misread or misunderstood, and messages meant to come across in one way can easily come across in another. On top of that, as tempting as it may be, try not to mimic their behaviour so they can get a taste of their own medicine. E.g. not calling them because they're not calling you, or spending all night talking and laughing with Lucy because Claire had done something similar a few nights before.  

Don't sit there and let it brew. Don't allow yourself to be hurt. Talk to them. 

Sometimes talking it through doesn't help in the way we'd hoped. Sometimes you find that regardless of your attempts,  they're still being cold or that they don't seem that interested in you or maintaining your friendship. In those cases, you may need, (and I feel bad writing this, because I find it really sad,) but you may need to re-evaluate your friendship, you may need to let go somewhat.

Sometimes friends grow apart, and although it's not a comforting thought, it happens. It happens to us all. The love can still be there but you've both just changed or headed off on a different path.  

Friendships, no matter how old or intense or the amount of love you have for them, should not make you feel sad or subordinate. it shouldn't be a struggle.

What do you think? Have you experienced the dwindling or loss of important friendships before, and if so how did you cope?


  1. I''m scared about that happening to me, as am still at school (secondary). But then I should really expect it! I know how you must be feeling but the thing is some friends come and go. Sometimes, when friends grow, they grow apart and there really isn’t a good reason as to why. Maybe because different colleges or workplaces, focusing on other important things. Their priorities change with time, and they become more selective about how and where to use their precious time.Mine has already, am going to be doing my two years of GCSE. But make sure you guys meet up and get your friend back :)

    Absolutely loved this post, as it relates to everyone. Would follow you but you don't appear to have GFC button. Do tell me when you do :) Do check out my blog if your free

    Rebecca | Blog.

    1. You're absolutely right. And thank you. xx

    2. Your very welcome! Followed you via GFC :)


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